were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
