Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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