I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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