Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she looked like the before picture.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
