Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
