My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
