Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
