then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
