you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
