i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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