dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
