omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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