How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
