Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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