6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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