I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
