I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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