I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
