WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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