I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
