Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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