yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
