I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Randomize
