Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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