You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
