too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
