just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
