Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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