just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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