:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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