i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
