Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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