We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
