Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
