There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
