it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
