turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
