I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize