the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
