youre lurking in front of me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
