we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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