I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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