Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
