Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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