I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
