She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
