Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
