He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
