How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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