ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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