So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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