There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
