I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
