since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So much rum. So many feels.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
