You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
