We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize