I'm really into asian looking animals
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize