I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
