im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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