You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
