You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
