i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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