Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
