Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
