please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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